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Monday, 17 April 2017

Six Years Later...

Star date: April 17, 2017 and here I am, finally picking up my baby which I abandoned nearly a full six years ago. Much has happened in my life these past six years and I feel like I am different now, yet not.  Life experiences always shape us and I've had some major ones these past six years.  Let's recap, shall we?

  • I am employed again :)  I was fortunate enough to be hired by an amazing company in November of 2011, and I've enjoyed every day I've been there.  All the stars lined up for me on this one, clearly.  It's close to home, it's a Canadian company, the work is fun and the people are fantastic.  I got so very lucky landing this gig, really!  I'll work there until I either a) somehow come up with enough money to be able to retire (giggling and shaking my head as I ponder that) or b) die. 

  • I am single again. Fully single.  And there are details, rather dirty and awful ones, behind the events that led to my resuming single status, but I don't think I'll get into it right now.  I will, though; I promise I will as I believe that might lead to further healing for myself.  Said healing being necessary, because while I do feel like I've moved on, my psyche rudely and abruptly informed me a couple of nights ago that is NOT the case as it plunged my brain into a terrible, awful dream about terrible, awful people and the things they do.  Or did. To me.  Yeah, the terrible, awful things they did TO ME.

  • I have relocated my life.  My ex and I sold our house last April - and that whole process is something I will get into in more detail in another post - and I moved into my own little place the following June.  Life here in my condo has taken me through so many emotions; at first I felt displaced, terribly lonely, and hopeless about the future.  Drama-queening it up, as I do ;)  But as the months passed by, I started to shed the painful layer that was my past with Andy, and began feeling safer and freer every day in my own little house.  Partly because my Mom is here with me, but she can only be here sometimes, because she's an angel now and has my other siblings to tend to as well. 

  • Yes, my mother died :(  In November 2015, just a couple of weeks after her 80th birthday.  It's been a shock to me just how much I wish she was still here.  I assume it's safe to say that all people who have parents also have an awareness that their parents will die someday, especially as every year goes by and we all get older.  But the feeling of not having a mother, of being an orphan, and of just wishing she was still here....one can't really prepare for that.  It's life-changing, obviously.

  • And finally, I am facing the fact that I am mentally ill.  I could be bipolar, or have a mood disorder, or just plain old depression....I really don't fucking know.  What I do know is something's going on and I have to finally face it head on and deal with it.  DEAL WITH IT.  What that will entail is kind of a mystery to me, but I know it will start with a visit to my doctor and probably some sort of drug therapy.  It's scary, but I have no choice.  If I were alone in this world it would be different; I could drive myself off a cliff a la Thelma and Louise and call it a life, but I'm not alone.  I have a fantastic family, a handful of truly great friends, and I have two cats who depend on me.  So, I can't peace out, as much as I'd like to at times, because to do that would be to leave my kitties homeless, to leave my family wracked with guilt and sadness forevermore, and everybody else wondering, who's gonna post all the kickass shoe pics on Facebook now?

So this is me and this is today. I'm going to try and get back in here once and week and keep this ball rolling because, in my wildest dreams, I am a writer :)  Wish me luck and send me love <3 ciao="" for="" nbsp="" now.="" p="">


2 comments:

  1. Bravo for revisiting a dream - that is how you know it is the right dream. Seeds grow no matter how long ago they were planted.

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  2. ❤����������������������❣lurve this! Read your 2011 posts too. So glad you are back Twilinium.xo

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