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Thursday, 20 April 2017

I GOT MAD AT A BANANA TODAY.


I’m just going to admit it; I’m not a happy person right now.  I’m on edge, I’m irritated, and I’m taking it out on fruit.  And here’s why.

I moved into a condo last summer and life has been pretty pleasant there, until last week when I discovered there was a water leak in my happy little place, due to a structural problem with the upstairs balcony.  My management company has assessed the situation and confirmed that this repair is their responsibility, yet, it hasn’t been fixed yet!  And why not?  Because they haven’t received the quote for the repair from their contractor.  Apparently the contractor is “very busy”.  Well, maybe the contractor needs to be made to understand that I AM FREAKING OUT OVER HERE.  It’s pouring rain today and all I can do is imagine the flood I will be going home to later.  I don’t see myself handling that situation well on any level whatsoever, so I’m having some suicide pills overnighted to me, just in case L

That fresh fuckery aside, life in Toronto is pretty pleasant these days.  Spring is here, the snow is all gone, and people are happy to have survived yet another Canadian winter.  For those who haven’t been to Toronto, one of the things you need to know is that most people here are exceedingly polite.  I often go to a little coffee shop near my office for lunch on weekdays, and in the entire five-minute visit, I will hear the phrases, “excuse me”, "I'm sorry" and “thank you” at least 10-20 times.  Canadians abhor rudeness in general, and we actually pride ourselves on the fact that people abroad can always tell us apart from Americans because we are so polite and respectful, as opposed to rude and pushy.  And please know that I’m not SAYING that; I’m just REPEATING it, okay? So before anyone gets mad at me for profiling Americans in this manner, I will just quote the writer David Sedaris (an American himself), who refers to Americans as “the trumpeting elephants of the human race”.  Come on, that’s damn funny…and you know you laughed, ya damn Yankee J

But in fairness to Americans, I will concede that although yes, they can be hellishly loud and fairly rude, they’re also very, very friendly, and always happy to assist tourists and educate us on the wonder that is the U.S.A.  New York City – which I love, love, love – is a classic example of this.  The place is an assault on the senses, it truly is. The crowds, the lights, the noise, the traffic, the hordes of people; it moves at a pace most people in Canada are just not accustomed to.  But I’ve always been able to get someone to point me in the direction of the nearest Duane Reade, even as they nearly decapitate me with their briefcase and race by me to steal my cab.  Floridians are so very helpful when they tell you not to worry about the sharks in Daytona Beach or the murder rate in Miami.  And Californians, bless them, will always pat your hand and reassure you – “it’s just a small one” – as the world starts to move side-to-side, sirens go off, the dinner table dances across the room and paintings fall off of the walls.   America J  Already great, if you ask me!

And as it is 12:19 now, I think it’s time to lose myself in a slice of pizza and maybe a bag of Cadbury Mini Eggs.  I thank you for taking the time to read my blog, and until next time….CIAO.

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