Oh, where to start? I have many different thoughts and feelings around why I, at my age and for the first time in my adult life, find myself single/unattached/consciously uncoupled/completely on my own.
First off, let me just say that I don’t dislike being single. Quite the contrary; I mean, you can’t beat the freedom, and I do love my freedom. It’s VERY IMPORTANT to me. I do whatever I want, whenever I want to do it. Nothing needs to be “run by” anyone. It’s pretty fantastic, not having to answer to or consider anyone else in my daily life.
On the other hand – that pesky other hand – there is the loneliness. I have no one to chat with over dinner, no one to have those curled-up-in-the-chair-after-a-long-day conversations with, no one to turn to and smirk at when something particularly inane is on TV, and no one’s shoulder to bury my face into while watching a scary movie. I was watching a program about the 1992 LA Riots awhile back, and spent most of the program in tears. I could have used a hug, but there was no one there to hug me. There never is.
But it gets a lot more complicated than simply answering the question, do I want a boyfriend or don’t I? In a perfect world, I’d have a gay boyfriend. He’d be clean and neat, have amazing skincare products, a great wardrobe that I could dig into from time to time, and it would be NBD if he caught a glimpse of me naked, or vice versa. I think that David Rose, in all of his high maintenance and screechy glory, would be the perfect roommate for me. HE wouldn’t judge me because I have more eyeshadow than any girl or queen could possibly need or want. HE would totally understand ♥
I also can’t ignore the fact that it wouldn’t be easy for me to find someone to date at my age. I’m a 62-year-old woman, y’all! And while I think I’ve held up reasonably well and look fairly nice most days, let’s be real; my traffic-stopping days are behind me. Unless, of course, I literally throw myself in front of traffic.
Then there’s the, “I’ve been burned before and I’m not dumb enough to do that again” thing. I think, for me, this is the BIGGEST thing. My last romance ended badly, and while I can sit here and tell you that I am 100% over it, I can’t say I’d be willing to risk my heart again. I mean, for what? In purely pragmatic terms, the risk is too great and the return on investment is simply not there.
So, I’m staying single, and I’m not unhappy about that J It’s the right decision for me…at least, for now.
Thanks for being here with me. XO.